Are You My Baby???
08.29.05 (3:47 pm) [edit]"Are You My Baby?" I asked of he,
Then he replied in a voice so sweet,
"I'm your Baby," was what he said,
And held me tight there in his bed.
His arms around me warm and strong,
I breathed him in, and held it long.
Then felt the safety in his heart,
And knew with me he would not part.
But grow in him from now and on,
This love that we had come upon.
Then take me there to further then,
Beyond the life I've found with him,
And treasure each and every touch,
I knew it in my heart so much.
"Are you my Baby?" He asked I,
And quickly did I so reply,
"I am you Baby." that he would know,
My heart did oh so love him so,
And know that I could not withstand,
To walk this path without his hand,
And know that I would surely die,
Without that love within his eye.
Yet I know I now must fall awake,
And keep my mind from that mistake,
For no good dreams will find me sleep,
And all that I do long to keep.
That haunting touch, that place I find,
Within those eyes that read my mind.
That place in which I found was me,
And found that lost eternity.
Hold on to that last part of I,
Before I slip away and die,
For darkness comes so quietly,
To take the breath you gave me breathe.
It seems the ghost has so consumed,
And left the safety of the tomb,
To haunt me now and fill my mind,
With what I thought of once as mine,
Torture me with dreams of us,
And how I did so love so much.
To search within those open eyes,
To see that soul in those blue skies,
And feel that rain upon my skin,
To catch it up and hold it in.
So hold me close, into your heart,
Protect me from that quiet dark.
For close behind it follows me,
And waits for me to fall asleep.
"Are you my Baby?" I must hear,
And know that you are somewhere near.
Love Is
08.25.05 (4:56 pm) [edit]I wrote this a while back. And felt like it may help someone to understand what I was feeling when I wrote it. I hope it helps.
Love,,,
What is Love?
Love It seems is many things to everyone..
We have such a hard time finding its definition, because we all feel differently about what it is and what it means to us..
The bible says that we are to love one another as ourself...
Interesting huh?
And we also know that we have an intense love for our God..
Although we have never laid eyes on him, we dedicate ourselves and our lives to him out of true and pure faith and love..
We love our family.. mothers, fathers,, sisters, brothers, and children etc.. although we may disagree,, although there may be characteristics about our family members that we do not like, we still love them just the same.. unconditionally..
I do not believe that true love is something magical..
Yes I said it...
Out of these lips.. that you've heard so much of destiny and eternity and blah blah blah..
I do not believe that true love is magical...
I do not believe that it is something unique or rare as maybe I once did..
And I do not believe that in order to find true love you have to find someone whom to share it with..
So get this..
My new understandings.. as you may have it.. in all the stupid crap I have written in these pages upon finding true love and that special soul mate destined for me.. trying to sort through my own feelings and determine who and why I am..
I reallize that I will never find true if I look for someone else to give it to me...
I already have it..
I always have..
For true love is not something that you acquire or learn.. nor do you have to grow to love someone..
We all.. already possess from the time of our birth.. we have the capacity to love..
God, nature, what have you, made us that way..
Its up to us to not corrupt it or twist it into sexual or superficial feelings or emotions..
When we learn to love each other as ourselves.. and accept one another despite faults or differences.. then we will be able to truly love someone on the level that we should.
I have come to reallize that I have the power within me to control how I feel,,
Do you do that?
Do automatically catergorize people when you meet them?
Do you upon that initial meeting determine to what extent you will allow yourself to become involved with them? Do you judge them upon appearance and personality..
I have...
I know within a few minutes of meeting someone whether or not I will choose to allow myself to be open to them..
Why do I have this guard?
If I should love everyone as I love myself... should I not be open to everyone despite what my "requirements" are for someone worthy of my love?
I feel this is wrong..
I feel that love should be unconditional.. to everyone..
Society uses those words "I love You" so loosely.. as it should be.. Love should easily be given and recieved,,, it's a gift not a reward.. It's just that people are so closed to recieving and giving love that the words usually loose their meaning somewhere in the struggle to defend one's heart and emotions.. and for some reason in this struggle to defend ones self.. people most often hurt those whom they love,, by not respecting the gift.. they automatically assess that somewhere in the course of their relationship.. whatever that might be,,, that their is a definate threat of being wounded.. and perhaps this causes them to with hold love.. or deny it.. rearranging the relationship completely..
And there are those who's understandings of love have become so construde.. that they use love as a crutch.. they do not wish to recieve nor give love, but they say they do in order to gain affection..
People become confused in what love is.. when love just is.. It's a natural emotion God given, meant to be shared and nutured..
It's society's frustration trying to grasp it's meaning that twists it.. turning into something sexual.. something you have to earn,, or something you keep hidden in order to feel less vunerable.
When in actuallity Love has no meaning.. It's just LOVE..
and we all possess it if we choose to do so..
Within..
To My Friend,
You have such a sense of emptiness and loneliness because you possess so much love that you want to share with someone who wants to accept and return it. And you have not found that person yet. So being alone makes you miserable. You pour out your loneliness, anger, frustration, bitterness, etc, as a means of releasing the negativity,,, dealing with your emotions... The more you dwell on the fact that you are alone, the lonelier you are going to feel. Take a break... Think about what is good for you, just you. Think about your qualities. Think about the good things that you have in your life. Find something to do that you have always wanted to do. Find contentment with yourself. When you stop focusing on finding someone, you will find yourself. And believe it or not, there is someone out there who is looking for you also. There is someone who wishes to share with you all that you wish to share with them. But if you get in a hurry, and your not careful, you will miss this person because you are looking too hard. Take my advice and change something... give it time... and when you do find each other,,, you will be ready. And you will just know it is right. This is just my advice, from my personal experience... I find that at the moments when I am most happy with myself, I find the most precious people to me. And the moments that I am struck with grief of loneliness, I can't seem to find anything other than more loneliness. Be patient, find happiness in yourself, and it will happen, and when it does, it will be something you will never forget. And you deserve it. You are truly a great person. Keep writing...
Angie
A few links you may like to read on..
http://www.transpersonal.8m.com/" title="http://www.transpersonal.8m.com/" target="_blank"http://www.transpersonal.8m.c...
http://www.philosopher.org.uk/index.htm" title="http://www.philosopher.org.uk/index.htm" target="_blank"http://www.philosopher.org.uk...
http://www.transpersonal.com.au/knower.htm" title="http://www.transpersonal.com.au/knower.htm" target="_blank"http://www.transpersonal.com....
http://www.trans4mind.com/" title="http://www.trans4mind.com/" target="_blank"http://www.trans4mind.com/
Pretty Head
08.23.05 (3:57 am) [edit]Darkness makes way for the sillouette of moonlight,
Fingers smooth across the fabric searching and finding a place to hold on tight.
The sounds of pleasure filling the dark, emphasized by the contours of your shoulders above me.
And all I want right now is this extacy.
Dancing that dance, swaying with sway, slow motion it seems as I touch your sweet face.
Skin on skin, to feel you within, something so holy that feels like a sin.
Beautiful the dance that is of true love, and oh how it quickens me to feel love and lust.
Sweet and mean, dirty and clean, the kiss that you have for that pulsating stream.
Sensual kisses that drive me so mad, what is it you do, that makes me so bad?
Your pretty head, here in my bed, until finally it seems at last I am dead.
Hold me close, my lonely lost soul, and I'll only pray you never let go.
What Would You Dream
08.19.05 (3:57 pm) [edit]What would you say, to pray, if you stay,
To walk along the mornings bay,
The water cool, the fish would say,
To catch that catch for any day.
What would you hear to feel your ear,
To understand all that which is dear,
And wish that you had held so near,
But left your love, because of fear.
What would you love, to love so much,
To know that darkness cannot touch,
But give your love it's dying watch,
And watch it tick away, decay, shut the latch.
What would you dream, to dream if you sleep,
To sleep the night away so peacefully,
And know that love still rests with thee,
Just beside you in your sleep, tonight and for eternity.
Forget
08.15.05 (4:42 pm) [edit]Changing faces in those spaces,
I grow to know the feel of fear.
Yet I am not scared of you,
I am terrified of you,
And that inescapable loneliness.
Can I find that place to hide,
Is it there or else somewhere,
Somewhere else that ends nowhere.
Some place that can replace,
That dark hole of being alone.
Yet hope spins slowly reminding me
That it exists, that it waits.
My mind drifting to those arms,
Wrapping me up into safety,
Reminding me of the memory,
Begging me not to forget...
To never forget....
And I struggle to recall it all,
Every detail of your face,
And every warm embrace,
Everytime you said my name,
And everytime our love we made.
Etch it deeply in my brain,
And that memory I shall retain,
Oh how I will miss you tonight,
And miss the way you hold me tight.
As I lay in bed and think of it,
Still scared I might somehow forget.
Forget those eyes that saw through me,
Forget those lips I kissed so deep.
wheel
08.10.05 (4:16 pm) [edit]The wheel turns in my brain,
Spinning that ever so twisted wire,
Pretending itself to be sane,
Convincing me I'm no liar.
And all the words that spill within,
Come out and seek solitude,
And creep, and crawl, fly, or swim,
Depending on the birthing mood.
Rat a tat, dang a lang,
I heard the chiming bell again,
Awaken, see, it's here so plain,
Why is that you restrain?
Blue Eyes
08.05.05 (11:17 pm) [edit]In your eyes so bright and blue,
I thought I saw, a glimpse of you,
Of you and I, and something true,
To hold us close and bring us through.
And I longed to gaze into that stare,
To see that I was truly there,
With you, in you, of you, I dare,
To hope that I am still somewhere.
Behind those so deep and dark I go,
To find myself somewhere I know,
To see that you still love me so,
And that you still hold onto hope.
Darkness though has found me still,
But save me again, I know you will,
Just as you do so much with skill,
You know just how it is I feel.
No matter how I run or dare,
To hide myself from your deep stare,
I find I am still always there,
And find myself so unaware.
But why it is you see so clear,
That what is me and all I fear,
I do not know, and sometimes fear,
Just how you see and love so dear,
That which is me, so out of place,
From what you would so wish to face,
From that which you so dearly taste,
And I feel that I am just a waste.
For what do I have to give to you,
But all that which I hold onto,
And wish to be with you so true,
And selfishly I know I do.
Hold onto all you are to me,
And hope that sometime soon you'll see,
With me is all you'll want to be,
And live and love so peacefully.
So childish I am so full of dreams,
And long to be that story theme,
And have you all only to me,
And me to you, I wish to be.
But cut the skin that holds the breath,
That holds my such undying death,
That peirces deep and fills my chest,
And tells me we will find our rest.